I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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