I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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