Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My life is pants optional.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
