Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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