he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Randomize
