Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
