I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
