Porn is love you can see.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
