He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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