peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
