Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
