I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
