Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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