I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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