apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is Oprah even human
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
