If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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