dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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