i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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