Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
