Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
