omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
