my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
