Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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