DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
