even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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