trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
