First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
