good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize