if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm experimenting with sincerity
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
