I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize