Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
