I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
