you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
