You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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