I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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