All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize