I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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