I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
