Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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