How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
