somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
