Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
They are going to name an STD after you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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