He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
