dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
