alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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