Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
