I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
