i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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