I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
