we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
