i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Of course I have a pirate flag
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
