I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
