wat bout pragnant strippers??
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
