I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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