You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
