It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
