her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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