the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Boobs speak an international language.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
