"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hippo gnu deer
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
