some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
