Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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