it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
