Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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