Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize