worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
