Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
