i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize