Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
there's paper in my vomit.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
