I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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