i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
