And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
