drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
