Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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