if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
