The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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