I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't turn off my feet"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
