omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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