the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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